Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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