last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
false alarm. still invincible.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
