I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
