Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
