May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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