Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
