I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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