please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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