I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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