You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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