KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize