Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
