remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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