This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
