how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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