College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
