Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
