Already got asked if we're dating
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
