I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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