I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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