You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
love makes seman taste better
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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