Non-Jews are for practice
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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