my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
