And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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