I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
