he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
