i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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