so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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