I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
