my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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