He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
