Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
