whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
please come you make the beer taste better
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
