This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
handjob tips. give me some.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
