nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
