I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
