You smell like stripper and shame
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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