Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
