I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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