He is such a slut. More and more my type.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Quick, to the slutcave!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
