the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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