Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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