How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
