I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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