Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
