Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
