you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My balls are so social today.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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