I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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