I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
