you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize