i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Bring me that man meat
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize