god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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