why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
