An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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