Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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