This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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