Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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