exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
