Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
