Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
why is half of my head shaved?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
