On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
