I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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