He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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