I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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