dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize