Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
