goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
