If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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