woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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