I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
