The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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