shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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