I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
