i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
